Sunday, July 6, 2014

An advocate of my abilities

I have begun on a new journey in life. For the past two years, statements about my career always ended in a question mark. For the first time in a long while, I feel like I have done something right, something my mother would be proud of.  And every day before I put on my white coat and head out my door, I wish my mother was here. Not for her to pat me on my back, she never was one to praise us within our earshot, but just to let her know I made it and it is because she believed in me.

My mother believed we were capable of things we were absolutely sure we were not. At school we were those children who participated in every competition that could have competitors because she told us to. There were times when I used to feel embarrassed to walk on stage for something I knew I would never win at, but went ahead doing it anyway. I was 13 and my sister was 15 when we were neck deep in extra-curricular activities. Unfortunately for my sister, she was a part of a dance routine at an interschool competition on the same day as an interschool quiz competition. Most parents would have helped their children choose between the two, my mother assured her we could find a way to do both.

As luck would have it, our dance routine got over right on time. But even though my dad tried driving like a maniac through traffic and my mother helped my sister change from her dance costume to our school uniform at the back of our car, we were late. We arrived at the Quiz competition venue and up on stage was my sister’s substitute representing our school. My sister and I were disappointed. We huddled together towards the back of the audience sharing her misery. My mother talked to our Quiz teacher and she affirmed our fear – it was just too late, and the teacher really didn’t care enough to stand up for my sister. My mother was not one to give up. The Quiz master was still just explaining the rules. She walked right up to the stage and in her broken English she explained to the quiz master that her daughter was here and that she was the primary candidate for the school. She explained like only a mother who believed in her daughter’s capabilities could, that her daughter deserved to be a part of that competition. I remember wanting for the floor to open up and swallow me because of the unwanted attention we were getting. Everyone in the audience wanted to know what was going on. Our quiz teacher didn’t utter a word, she didn’t even stand up from where she sat. The quiz master told my sister to come up on stage and that she could participate but he wouldn’t repeat the rules of the competition. I was in awe.

My sister won the competition. The Quiz teacher and my sister were congratulated by many in the audience. I stood right next to her basking in the attention of being a proud sister. The quiz master walked up to us right before he left and said “Congratulations. You did great. But remember this win is as much your mother’s as is yours. You should be a really proud daughter.”

All the while when we were driving back to the Dance competition venue I kept thinking about the Quiz master’s words. Be a proud daughter. We won for the dance routine that day. It was a good day. It was a good day because my mother made two right decisions. She knew she didn’t have to choose - we were capable of winning at both and she made the decision to fight for her daughter.

Repeating the words I have already blogged which one of my friends wrote about my mother:
“… My mother always believed that your mother was one of the wisest people that she has interacted with in her life. She would sometimes tell me - "Do you know why they do so well? It’s only partially because of their own caliber, but it's mostly because of Sujatha's strength as a person"….”

I don’t know if you knew all along, Amma. I don’t know if you had doubts about me being able to make it or not. But I believe you didn’t. I think you believed in me more than I believed in myself. And I think you did put up a fight for me with the Big Guy up there.

I am a proud daughter of a mother who will always remain my best advocate because she believes I can do it, even when I don’t.

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